


Always Love

by quilledcorsair



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 03:47:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3795532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quilledcorsair/pseuds/quilledcorsair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma thought she was protecting Killian when he locked him up, but she didn’t realise what demons she let escape as her pirate struggles to realise he is capable of protecting his loved ones</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Killian…” Emma sighed, her posture slumped in defeat as she sat on the bed.

He continued to pace, fury riding off of him in waves, ignoring her. She tired again, getting up and moving to calm him but he just moved away, making Emma’s heart break.

“If you’d just let me explain-”

“Explain how you thought it was a good idea to lock me up in a jail cell and prevent me from escaping when you went to have a showdown with Maleficent? I don’t bloody think so,” he snapped, his eyes finally meeting hers, the rage making them burn brighter.

“I just wanted to keep you safe. Why can’t you understand that?!” she snapped back, her frustration making her fight back.

“Oh? Is that what you were doing? I didn’t realise!” he snarled, throwing his hands up, making her scowl. “I want to keep you safe  _just_ as much, Swan, so imagine my  _anger_  when I was prevented from doing so by you. Locked away from the fight, the cell doors magicked shut, unable to protect the ones I love.”

His biting tone made her take a step back. “You  _know_  why I did what I did, Killian. I can’t have you hurt because of me. I can’t let my emotions get the best of me, especially in a fight.”

“So, I’m a liability.”

And  _that_  made Emma’s breath stop. It wasn’t even what he said, but the way he said, as if he truly believed that, as if he didn’t know to what extent she loved him. “How  _dare_ you?”

“No, Swan. How dare  _you_? How did you even think I’d be okay with letting you go off to fight without me?” he bit out through his teeth. She’d never seen his so angry, not even when she’d left him atop that beanstalk. _  
_

“I _love_  you,” she cried, angry tears gathering. “I cannot have you almost die on me again. I cannot handle that, not after what happened with Gold. You almost died and I felt like my whole world had fallen apart and I didn’t know which way was up. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of how  _wrecked_  I’ll be if I ever lost you.”

His demeanor softened, but she could still see the anger shimmer in his blue depths. “That gave you no right to stop me from protecting you. Or my child,” he whispered brokenly, his gaze now fixed on her midriff, when there was a barely noticeable bump.

With that, all the fight left her. “Killian, I-”

“You don’t need to say anything, Emma. At least now I know you feel like I can’t protect my family.”

Her heart stuttered, the pain blatant in his voice making her throat close up. She will never forgive herself for ever making him feel this way. She could see his walls going back up, his form rigid, unyielding, his face devoid of any emotion.

She shook her head frantically, trying to make him understand, that  _no_ she did not think that. That all she was thinking about was keeping him safe, because  _of course he could protect their family. That he was more than capable._  “No…I never-Where are you going?” she panicked, when she saw him take his pillow from the bed.

He paused at the doorway, his back to her and his voice stilted. “I’m going to sleep on the couch for a few days. I-I don’t-” he breathed deeply. “Goodnight, Swan.”

Emma’s breath hitched as she struggled to calm herself down. He wasn’t gone, he didn’t leave. He was right outside, he would calm down soon. He would.

 _But would he?_ her conscious nagged. _You did make him doubt himself, Emma._  


	2. Chapter 2

Killian woke up long before the sun rose, his eyes trained on the ceiling as he thought over the recent events. If he was being honest with himself, he was more upset with himself than he was with Emma. 

Yes, she did lock him up. But she did it because he was a distraction. He couldn’t be counted on to protect his family. She may have not expressed it explicitly, but why wouldn’t she think that? He was nothing but a liability, useless and one-handed. He didn’t even deserve this new chance. And he sure as hell didn’t deserve her.

He sat up abruptly, shaking the sleep clinging to him, rubbing at his tired eyes. He’d felt so helpless, having no clue what was happening out there as he paced the area of the cell through the stone, looking up at every small noise in the distance, hoping to ever deity known to him that his family be unharmed. Ever second that passed felt like a lifetime, his heart thudding wildly and rage setting him ablaze, the restrictive bars of the cell too much for him to handle. 

When Emma left him, he’d shouted his throat raw before he gave up. He could still remember the fear that gripped his heart so, like claws- it felt like getting his heart ripped out all over again, only much,  _much_  worse because he was rendered helpless by his own. Emma’s actions cemented his wavering doubt about his worthiness of the life he’d been blessed with.

He was too weak to be the father their child deserved. ( _Not enough, his mind whispered, making his heart clench)._ And Emma- Gods, but that woman is stubborn. As much as he was mad at himself, he couldn’t just forget about her actions. For being the Saviour, she doesn’t seem to understand she needed saving just as much. Especially now. _  
_

If anything were to happen to his child….he didn’t know what he’d have done. ( _Except he does. He’d have gone to hell and back, sacrificed his own life and not stopped even then, until he-or she- was safe) (Except he wishes it is a boy, blond curls and his eyes, Emma’s stubbornness and his love for the sea. A true pirate prince)._

A small smile tugged at his lips as he got up from his makeshift bed, the lieutenant in him making his automatically fold the sheets.( _Emma hates how prim and proper he is. And he cannot stand how untidy her side of the closet is.) (He may have organised it) (And she may have thanked him by leaving her shoes by the bed and her coat strewn across the back of the couch)._

_-/-_

When Emma woke up, it was to the smell of pancakes and hot cocoa, making her tired body more than willing to get up and pad the few feet to the kitchen. ( _Seeing Killian’s face again, hugging him, well,_ that _, may have been an added incentive)._

For all her bravado at the battlefield, she hesitated at the edge of the kitchen, too much of a coward to face her probably ( _definitely)_ furious boyfriend. She was chewing on her thumb, contemplating whether she should venture further, when his voice startled her out of her straying thoughts.

“Are you planning on standing there the whole time, Swan?” he asked, his voice gruff with sleep ( _hopefully, and not anger)._

She silently took a seat at the counter, across from him, staring at his every move as he flipped the pancakes with a practiced hand. ( _She remembers when she first taught him to make pancakes; her hair messy, wearing only his shirt and him shirtless, sweat pants loose around his waist and the stars in his eyes. Most of the batter ended up on the counter, their laughter-his antics- far more filling than the half-cook pancakes that she ate even though they were horrible because he made them, all dimples and rumpled hair and_ ‘let me, Swan'  _and sweet, cinnamon tasting kisses pressed against her lips)._ _  
_

A plate sliding in front of her shook her from her memories, making her look up at him in barely conceal surprise. Pancakes, hot cocoa and a side of fruit…she couldn’t remember a time she had a proper breakfast.

At her raised eyebrow, he sighed. “It’s to keep your strength up. And for the child,” he murmured, moving to clear the dishes.

With that, her heart was all mush. How this man can go from angry to concerned in seconds is beyond her. She smiled gratefully, digging into her food, her hand resting lightly over her bump.

He cleared his throat awkwardly, drawing her attention to him. “How- how do you feel?”

“I’m fine,” she smiled. Noticing how he was avoiding her gaze, she sighed. “Killian, about last night…I-I didn’t-”

“Forget about it, love. You were right,” he cut her off, leaving his empty coffee mug in the sink.

“No. No, I wasn’t.” she shook her head, getting up and moving around the counter. “I couldn’t have been more wrong, Killian,” she was right in front of him, aching to hold him in her arms again. But she knew when not to push him, and this was one of those times.

“Emma…this family, you and the baby, Henry, Dave…all of you are my world now. You need to understand how I felt locked away and worried about the fate of the ones I love, feeling helpless and-and useless. Swan, I was terrified. But most of all, I felt that I wasn’t fit to protect you,” he admitted, his eyes never once meeting hers.

Emma didn’t know what to say, only knew that she felt awful. She felt as if she’d failed him, done him the greatest injustice by making him ever feel that way for even a moment. She’d not thought of the consequences it’d have on him when he left him there; all she could think about was his safety. Her hand fisted the cotton of her t-shirt above her abdomen, hoping her unborn child would give her the faith she needed to help Killian realise his worth.

“I-I wasn’t thinking. I am so, so sorry, Killian,” she apologised, placing her hand against his heart ( _the steady beat making her sigh in relief because there had been a day she’d thought she’d never hear it again, and ever strong beat made hers speed up)_ “I never-I never wanted to make you feel like you aren’t worthy, or-or enough. Because you are, more than. You are all I need and you are the strongest, bravest person I know. Please, don’t doubt yourself. I  _know_  you, and I know I am safest around you.”

“Emma,” he breathed heavily, tracing her cheek softly. Swallowing thickly, “ _I_  don’t. Not anymore.”

She did this. She made his lose faith in himself; this brave, sweet,  _hero_  of a man. She let him down, when he needed her the most.

“I promised to take Henry out sailing,” he smiled tightly and her heart clenched at the absence of the dimples she adored so very much. “I’ll see you later,” he promised, his hand grazing lightly over her baby bump, before he left the room, leaving her standing with a heart heavy with guilt.

( _Only later did she realise he left without kissing her goodbye)._


	3. Chapter 3

It’s been a week.

A week of not talking, of not sleeping together- nothing. And Emma was going tired of it. She, of course, understood why he got upset. But no matter how much she tried to assure him, he’d never been ready to even  _listen_ to her.

He hardly even looks at her anymore, staying out all day and coming home late and going straight to sleep; his eyes are always distraught and bloodshot in the mornings and his hair a right mess.

The first two days she tried to convince him to come back to bed, but he simply shook his head, turning his back to her and pulling his blanket over his head. She’d cried herself to sleep that night, hugging his pillow.

( _What she didn’t know was he’d done the same, hugging one of hers)._

So the start of the eighth day, she’d had enough. They were going to talk about it, whether he wanted to or not. She was already awake and sitting at the dining table when he woke up, almost not noticing her in his sleepy state. But all he did was a quick double take before going to pour himself a cup of coffee, preferring that despite his ridiculous sweet tooth. ( _She remembered his stomach ache after eating all the Halloween candy)._

She cleared her throat, sitting up straighter, “We need to talk,” she stated.

He looked up, clearly not surprised that she brought it up again. He looked almost weary. “Well, tough luck then, love. Because I don’t want to  _talk_ ,” he sneered, trying to walk past her.

But she quickly stood up and grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop. “No. That is  _not_  an option, Killian. We are going to be parents and-and I can’t go on like this. I apologised and gave you your space because I thought you’d come to me when you were ready. That we could work through this together. But you keep shutting me out and it  _hurts_  because what I did, what I made you feel, it was not on purpose. I did it to  _protect_  you. And all you are doing now, all it does is drive a larger wedge between us.” She was crying by now ( _damn, her hormones_ ) “An-and I don’t know how to fix it,  _us_  when you are so uninterested. Do you even care anymore?” she cried, crossing her arms across her chest, sniffling.

He looked pained, his knuckles white from holding on to his coffee mug too tight, “How can you even ask that?” he breathed, his eyes wide in disbelief.

“Because I feel like you don’t even want this baby anymore,” she admitted, wetness clinging to her lashes. When he remained silent, her breath caught, as she forced herself to ask the next question. “Do-do you want this baby?” she croaked, unwilling to even  _think_  of what she’d do if he didn’t.

He hesitated a moment before he answered, “ _Of course I do_. Emma-” he started, but his hesitation was answer enough.

She covered her mouth in disbelief, tears now trailing freely down her face,  _because he didn’t even want the baby now._ He didn’t have to say it, it was all over his face. Beneath the pain is all the shame and regret.

She grabbed his hand in her, placing it against her bump, “How about you don’t lie this time?” she snapped.

He swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down and his eyes avoiding hers. “I do want the baby, Emma. I do, but-”

“But you don’t with me, is that it?” she interrupted. “Because I did you a great injustice trying to do what I thought was the right thing to do at that time.”

He sighed, closing his eyes wearily. “Emma, stop it.”

“Stop what, Killian?” she exclaimed, moving away from him, his face crestfallen as his hand dropped from her abdomen. “Stop trying to understand what is going on with you? Trying to fight for you? I am right, aren’t I? You don’t want our baby. Say it!”

“Stop it!” he hollered, stomping over to her. “Stop saying that! Of course I want our baby! There is nothing I want more.”

“Then what is it?” she shouted back, not backing down.

“It’s me! I want you to not want me anymore!” he revealed. “I feel…like I don’t deserve this family.” he admitted, his hand fisted tightly. _  
_

She stumbled back, grabbing onto her chair for support, expecting anything but that. “Killian, you do deserve this family. You deserve so much more.”

“No,” he shook his head. “I don’t. All I do is hurt the ones I love.” he backed away, going towards the door and grabbing his coat.

“Where-where are you going?” she demanded, desperation clinging to her voice as she followed him.

“I’m-” he swallowed, his eyes large and lost. “I don’t know.”

“Killian,” she said softly, grabbing his arm, her hand moving to frame his face. “It’s going to okay. You don’t have to go anywhere,” she said, trying to get through to him, but he had his walls up and there seemed to be nothing she could do. She’d never seen him look so lost or broken before and she just wanted to reach out and hold him tight and safe. “Honey, it’s alright… You won’t-” but he cut her off.

“I’m going out,” he repeated, shaking himself free and trying to ignore her hurt expression.

She felt the air press into her lungs as she watched him leave, helpless to do anything about it, not knowing how to assuage his fears. She pressed her hand to her racing heart, trying to quell in her tears, biting her trembling lip.

She had to be strong for the both of them, God knows he’s been there for her whenever she felt insecure.

-/-

“Mom, is everything okay with you and Killian?” Henry asked as she drove him to Regina’s from school.

Emma looked at him from the corner of her eyes, trying to gauge his expression, but all she could see was concern. Sighing, “No, kid. But it will be,” she assured him, giving him a small smile.

He didn’t seem convinced, giving her one of his looks, urging her to elaborate. “What happened?”

“Henry, he…He’s angry about something I did,” she said, not knowing what to say.

“Mom, I’ve heard you guys fight. You guys are not very discreet about it. But this- cold shoulder and silent treatments…it seems like something more.”

She gripped the steering wheel tighter, cursing how intuitive her son can be, but if she couldn’t get through to him, maybe Henry can. “He thinks he wouldn’t be a good father,” she admitted. “Which is really stupid, because he’s great with you. Right?” she turned to him for reassurance, which he was quick to give.

Nodding, “Mom, I told you. I like Killian. And I think he’ll make a great dad to my little brother,” he grinned cheekily.

“Or sister,” she added, smiling back.

“We’ll see,” he replied, pecking her cheek before getting out the car as she stopped in front of Regina’s house. “Bye mom!”

“Bye!” she called, starting to pull out of the driveway, hoping she could go and find Killian. But she realised he needed time to cool off,  _without_  her. The thought made her sad, but she was tired of fighting.

A sharp knock on her window startled her, making her look up to see Regina, a tentative smile on her face. Emma stepped out of her car, smiling at her in greeting.

“Do you want to come in?” she asked. “I just made pie…and Henry mentioned that you were upset. Do you want to talk about it?” she offered.

Emma’s eyebrows rose in surprise. While she and Regina are friends, neither of them have really confided in each other. But right now, she needed a friend who wasn’t her mother or Ruby, so she nodded in agreement, following the woman into her house. She was greeted by a green blur flying at her, throwing his tiny arms around her middle, giggling.

“Emma!” Roland squealed, muffling his laughter against her abdomen, “Henry’s attacking me!” he exclaimed, making her laugh, bending down to hug him properly.

“Hey there, little man,” she greeted her favorite merry man. After his dad started working at the Sheriff’s station, he’d been a frequent visitor, quick to steal her heart with his toothy grin and cute dimples. Killian and her have even babysat him a few times for Regina and Robin. “Why is Henry ‘attacking’ you?” she asked, raising her eyebrow suspiciously.

“Beeeee-cause I hid his veedo game,” he grinned cheekily.

“Video,” she corrected. “And why did you hide it?”

“Cause Killy said all good pirates hide their treasure, silly,” he whispered, as if it were a big secret. The mention of Killian’s name made her heart clench, but she smiled at the boy, ruffling his hair affectionately. “Well, I’m the Sheriff and I say you give it back,” she replied mock-sternly.

When he pouted, her heart just about melted and she tried to resist the big brown eyes but she failed, groaning internally. “If you do, I’ll take you out for ice-cream tomorrow,” she added, having to close her ears as the little boy shrieked in delight, running off towards the backyard.

“You and that pirate of yours are soon going to turn my son into an even bigger terror,” she heard someone tease, looking up and smiling at Robin.

Offering her a hand, he helped her up. “Hey,” she greeted, moving to hug him.

“Been a while since we saw you, Sheriff,” he smiled as he pulled back.

“Yeah, well. I didn’t think my already furious boyfriend would appreciate me Sheriffing so soon after what happened,” she retorted, moving to take off her coat and hang it.

“Ah. That is true,” he agreed, scratching the back of his head.

“He talked to you, didn’t he?” she sighed.

“Not…exactly.” When she gave him a disbelieving look, he relented, “Yes. He been going crazy, Emma, worrying about being a bad parent.”

“There’s more.”

Sighing, he added. “He’s also worried about how reckless you were.”

“Reckless?” she exclaimed. “I’ve been sitting at home the whole week.  _He_  is the one not at home.”

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about. Facing down Maleficent, in your condition, is reckless. Even for the Saviour.”

“I was protected, she didn’t hurt me,” she argued.

“But she could have. Emma, while you were fighting, Killian was in that cell, dreading, thinking about the what if’s,” he reminded. “I think that’s what makes him worry more than anything. That he couldn’t have saved you if something  _had_  happened.”

Emma nodded, not knowing what else to say because no matter how much she liked to think otherwise what she did was wrong and she couldn’t justify her actions no matter how much she tried. “I need to go find him,” she replied, turning to leave but Robin stopped her.

“Give him some time to himself. He’ll come to you. You need some time away from all the worrying as well. I imagine all this stress isn’t good for your child?” he guessed, raising his eyebrow, waiting until she relented.

She smiled in thanks, moving to join their family for lunch, her mind occupied with what Robin told her. After Killian comes back today, she was not resting until she made him realise what an amazing father he’d be.


	4. Chapter 4

Killian took another gulp from the bottle of rum in his hand, sitting slumped in a corner booth at the Rabbit Hole. He’d moved past glasses a long time ago, swiping a full bottle from the counter and settled in a secluded booth to drink away his worries.

He could still remember how ecstatic he’d been when Emma first told him she was pregnant.

_“Emma?” he called, worry evident on his face when she didn’t reply immediately. He wouldn’t usually fret so much, but with three witches on the loose and one with a grudge against his Swan, he couldn’t help but worry.  
_

_“In here,” came her shaky voice from the bedroom, alerting him and making him stumble over his own feet in his hurry to reach her._

_“What happened?” he asked, his anxiety clear._

_She stood up from her place on the bed, wringing her hands together as she paced nervously in front of him. “Nothing. I mean, not nothing. Something, obviously. Otherwise I wouldn’t have asked you to come home. But it’s not a bad thing. Or I think that it’s not. I don’t know,” she rambled, not noticing Killian’s confusion as he tried to follow her rapid words but only felt more lost._

_He grabbed her shoulder, stopping her in her tracks and making her look at him, her eyes wide and bright, making him smile and brush the hair back lovingly. “Swan, whatever it is, you can tell me,” he smiled, rubbing her shoulders reassuringly._

_She looked up at him, her eyes holding his and he could see the fear in them, which made his own worry build. “What is it?”_

_“I’m pregnant,” her voice was soft and quiet, her hand gripping his tightly as if he were going to run away._

_Which was the furthest thing from his mind because he couldn’t be happier, has never been happier. His mouth was agape, his eyes wide as the breath caught in his lungs. His hand almost trembling in her hold. But he mustn’t have reacted fast enough, because she started to pull away._

_“I know that now is not the right time,” she began pacing again. “And that we_  just _started seeing each other. And I know we love each other, but baby’s a big responsibility. I’m the Saviour, so there’s always going to be danger,” she rambled, her hands running through her hair. “And I-i-I don’t even know if you want the baby,” she stuttered, turning to face him. “Do you?” she asked, afraid._

_He was quick to answer her this time, “Yes!” he grinned, moving towards her and pulling her into his arms. He kissed her soundly on the lips, making her squeak out and laugh against his lips as he lifted her up and twirled her around before putting her down, hand and hook still on her hips. “I want our baby, Swan,” he beamed, his happiness unbound. He promised himself he would protect them no matter what, that he would never fail them. “Gods, I am the happiest man alive,” he mumbled, pulling her for another kiss._

_“I love you,” her voice caught, happy tears trailing down her face. “We’re having a baby,” she whispered, awed._

_“Aye, that we are, my love.”_

-/-

Now he’s broken his promises to protect them and not to fail them. And in doing so, he’s also hurt her, made her think he didn’t want their child, when it was quiet the opposite. He wanted nothing more than to hold his child in his arms, but his old fears resurfaced, making him doubt in his abilities as a father. What kind of a father is he, with one hand less? What kind of person is to look up to, a former pirate? _  
_

Someone who’s killed and robbed, plundered and pillaged- someone with as dark and haunting a past as his. He has failed everyone who loved and relied on him, all of them dead. And he’d be damned if it were to happen to his Swan or his child.

He was the reason, it seemed clear as day to him. He just needs to remove himself from the family, let them have a chance at a normal life. Let his child grow up without the shadow of his past tainting his life.

He brought the bottle up for another long pull of rum, ignoring yet another call on his phone.

-/-

“Thanks for letting me stay for dinner,” Emma smiled at Regina, helping her clean up. “I promise I was only going to stay for the pie.”

Regina laughed softly, “It’s alright. Roland likes having you around. And I wouldn’t mind the company either.”

Emma looked up from washing the dishes, surprised. “Well, don’t look so surprised.”

“I-I’m not.” she denied. “I don’t mind the company either,” she smiled.

Regina hesitated before she spoke again. “I know you already spoke with Robin, but…is there anything you want to talk about?”

Emma stopped scrubbing the plate in her hand, but didn’t look up. She sighed, “I just-I want to be happy about this,” she admitted.

“The baby?”

“Not just the baby. The pregnancy as such,” she wiped her hands on a towel, siting down on a near by chair. When Regina raised a questioning brow, she elaborated. “When I was pregnant with Henry… I was in jail. Neal had just left me and I was heart broken. When I realised that I had give him up-It was- I was miserable the whole time, Regina. And I thought it would be different this time. The timing wasn’t the best, but I really thought… I am just tired. Of the fighting and being sad. All I wanted was an easy pregnancy this time, but I guess that is  _just_  not in the cards for me.” She didn’t realise that she’d started crying until Regina handed her a tissue box, her face sympathetic.

She placed her hand on hers, squeezing reassuringly, “I may have not been your biggest fan when you first came to town, but even then a part of me admired how strong you were; you’ve only grown that much stronger, Emma. You can get through this. It’s just a rough patch. Every relationship has one,” she smiled, making Emma realise just how far she had come.

“It just feels like a really long one,” Emma grumbled, her hand rubbing her stomach with a grimace on her face.

“It will be-Ar-are you okay?” Regina asked, when she noticed a look of pain cross Emma’s face.

The blonde’s frown deepened, as she stood up, clutching at her stomach in pain. “I-I don’t know,” she whimpered, bent double.

Regina tried to calm her panic, helping Emma back to her chair, “Here, sit. I’ll go call an ambulance,” she said, turning to leave, when Emma grabbed her hand.

“Call Killian,” she gritted out through clenched teeth, breathing through the pain. “Please,” she was close to tears. Regina nodded, “You and the baby are going to be fine,” she promised.

She prayed that she didn’t have to break it.


	5. Chapter 5

Emma tried to keep the panic get to her as they wheeled her into the hospital toward the maternity ward, but the tears of pain and terror were streaming down her face in an endless torrent as she clutched her stomach in pain.

It just seemed to get much worse over the time it took for her to get from Regina’s to the hospital. “Did you call Killian?” she demanded, turning to Regina frantically.

She hesitated a moment before answering, “Yes, I did. He-he doesn’t seem to be answering, Emma.”

“Well, go find him!” she cried, her eyes wide and terrified.

“I’ll call Dave and we’ll find him,” Robin promised, rushing out.

Emma was quickly wheeled into a room, and her OB/GYN soon followed, her eyes widening as she saw Emma’s condition, the blonde having rolled to her side and clutching her stomach in pain.

“Emma,” she gasped, “What happened?”

“I-I don’t know, Dr. Greene,” she rasped out, gritting her teeth against the pain.

“It started a while ago, in her lower abdomen,” Regina explained for her. “It seems to have gotten worse.”

“Okay. It is probably nothing,” the doctor replied calmly. “But we’ll take tests and find out what’s going on, alright? It’s okay, Emma,” she soothed. “I’m going to give you a mild sedative, so you can rest until the pain passes, okay?”

The blonde nodded stifling a whimper, her fear mounting with every passing moment.

When Regina moved to leave the room, Emma grabbed onto her sleeve, “Stay, please.” The brunette froze, shock clear on her face as she nodded curtly in acquiescence, squeezing Emma’s hand in reassurance.

-/-

“Is she going to be okay?” David asked, his eyebrows pulled together in worry for his daughter as Robin told him what happened.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine, mate,” he assured, “But we need to find Jones. Regina’s tried calling him on his talking device, but he doesn’t seem to answer.”

David’s face darkened as he tried to reign in his anger. “What.” he spat, Mary Margret placing her hand on his arm to settle him.

“I’m sure there’s an explanation, David,” she said, the voice of reason.

“Nothing enough to stop me from punching him,” he growled, grabbing his coat and following Robin out the door. They had just gotten to the bottom of the stairs when David’s phone rang, Killian’s name flashing on the screen.

Flipping it open, he growled into the phone, “You better hope you survive when I catch a hold of you, Hook.”

“Woah, there, mate. It’s Will Scarlet. You’re mate’s sloshed at the Rabbit Hole, spouting rubbish. Thought you ought to know.”

David tried to reign in his anger as he hung up, getting into his car, Robin following him wordlessly. His daughter was in pain while that pirate thought this was the right moment to get drunk, he fumed. When he got his hands on him…

But nothing could have prepared him for what he saw at the Rabbit Hole. Killian was slumped, face down on a table, arm hugging a bottle of rum to him and Will Scarlet sitting next to him, nursing his own glass as he nodded to whatever he was saying.

“Hook,” David growled, walking up to the table and grabbing a hold of Killian’s collar and hauling him up. The pirate’s eyes were unfocused and bleary as he regarded the man manhandling him.

“Liam,” he murmured drunkenly, his face spitting into a shit eating grin. David’s eyes widened as he realised Killian mistook him for his brother, understanding dawning on him. “I’m glad you could join us,” he continued, oblivious to the situation.

“I was telling my thief friend about you,” he slurred, almost falling over when David let go of him, Robin righting him in the last minute, and pulling his arm over his shoulder. “You must me mighty proud of me, brother. I’ve managed to ruin all the happiness in my life.”

“Jones, you’re drunk. Let’s get you home?” David muttered, his anger not having faded.

“Home? What home? I’ve no home, brother,” he hiccuped, “I failed my family; they don’t need me.” He grabbed the bottle from the table and moving to take another sip but David was quick and grabbed it before he could. Killian barely noticed, shrugging as he slumped heavily on Robin. “I don’t deserve them. I failed them just as I did you, brother.”

Killian’s eyes were filling up, “I hurt her… Emma. I made her think I don’t want our child, when I want nothing more. It is the child that doesn’t need me. That doesn’t deserve me. I failed her, Liam.” he was almost crying now.

David sighed, his heart going out to his mate- someone who’d come to mean as a son to him- as he moved to his other side and draped his arm over his shoulder. He nodded gratefully at Will, before Robin and him dragged him to the truck.

-/-

“I-I’ve tried everything, Emma. All the tests have come back negative. There is nothing  _physically_ wrong with you,” Dr. Greene told her.

“What, this is psychological then?” the blonde snapped, eyes flashing.

“Yes,” the doctor agreed. “You are stressing out. And it isn’t good for the baby,” she explained.

“Oh, really? I didn’t know,” she snarled. “I’ve been pregnant before. I was stressed worse then, but it was not this bad. So don’t tell me it’s stress because it isn’t!” she shouted.

“Maybe it is,” Regina replied quietly, having remained silent the whole time. When Emma’s frustrated eyes snapped to hers, she explained. “You weren’t exposed to the magic you are now, back then, right? So what if this is your baby’s magic acting out?” she asked, making Emma’s eyes widen.

“My baby has magic?” she asked, her voice trembling.

“Why not? It’s the Saviour’s child. Not to mention the Product of True Love, second generation. I’d be surprised if it didn’t,” she added, shrugging.

“So, I’m hurting my baby?” she panicked, her heart rate increasing.

“I-I think it’s the other way around,” Dr. Greene spoke up now, her gaze shifting from Regina to Emma, “I think the child, while trying to protect itself, is hurting you. Emma, your stress isn’t good for either you or your child.”

Emma nodded, swallowing thickly, eyebrows pulled together. “I’ll give you something to help you sleep. You’re going to have to take it easy from now on. No stress, alright?” she said sternly before walking out of the room.

She sighed heavily, falling back to her pillows tiredly. “Were you able to find Killian?” she asked, her eyes closed.

When she didn’t get a quick reply, she knew. She nodded wordlessly, drifting off to sleep after the nurse came and administered the prescribed dose.

Regina took a seat next to the bed, waiting for the pirate to return.

-/-

Mary Margret was just getting off the phone with Regina when David came through through the door.

“Hey, Regina said Emma’s fine…David, what’s wrong?!” she exclaimed as she saw the state Killian was in. “What happened?” she demanded following the men as they deposited him on Emma’s old bed. “Is he okay?”

“Physically? Other than a killer hangover, he’s going to be okay. Otherwise, I have no idea,” he admitted, both men taking a seat at the kitchen counter.

“What do you mean?” she asked, motherly concern taking a forefront.

“He’s…been feeling like he failed his family lately,” Robin answered finally. “Ever since he was forced to stay away from the showdown with Maleficent, he’s been feeling like he wasn’t good enough to have a family. Today, thing’s…escalated,” he sighed.

“He thought I was his dead brother,” David said after a moment of silence, making Mary Margret’s eyes widen in surprise. “I guess all his past demons caught up to him. Or resurfaced. I don’t really know. All I know is, he needs us more than ever now.”

She nodded, her gaze drifting toward  the stairs, worry evident in her expression. “Regina called,” she said finally.

David’s eyebrow rose, “Is everything-?”

“It’s fine now,” she smiled. “Emma and the baby, both. It was apparently an extreme case of stress. They’ve given her something to help her sleep. We should go and check up on her, and relive Regina.”

“No need, milady. I’ll go home and take care of the boys. Henry’s been taking care of Roland for all this while, but I can’t leave them alone for the night. And I think Killian needs you more than he needs David. No offense, mate.” he added, before bidding them farewell.

She nodded, as David reached over and squeezed her hand. “It’s going to be okay.”

“Yeah…They just need to talk it out, right?” she asked, biting her lip in worry.

“Right,” he agreed, smiling. Or at least he hoped so.


	6. Chapter 6

Killian stumbled down the stairs, his eyes bloodshot and puffy and his hair a right mess, a pillow crease pressed into his right cheek. He rubbed his eyes, making a way to the kitchen counter and pressing her forehead to the cool surface.

He groaned in pain and relief, in answer to Mary Margret’s greeting. “Bad night?” she asked lightly, her arms crossed across her chest and lips pursed, very much like a disapproving mother.

If he could, he would have lifted his head up to glare at her. But he couldn’t, so he opted to mumble out unintelligibly.

She sighs and walks around the counter, placing a comforting hand on his back. “Killian…What happened?”

He tensed, not saying anything for a long while. Finally he blew out a breath, “I- I ruined everything,” his voice trembled. “I left her. I made a vow to myself that I would never hurt her,” he scoffed. “I hurt her worse than I possibly could. I-I made her believe that I didn’t want our child, made her doubt my love for her,” he tiredly ran a hand through his hair.

“I failed her, Mary Margret. I seem to have a habit of doing that; letting down people I love. I failed my mother, my brother…Milah. An-and because of that, they  _died_.” he was in tears now, his shoulders shaking up and down. “Gods, I am such a fool. To ever believe that I was enough- for her, for this family-”

He could have gone on, but Mary Margret, unable to hear anymore, cut him off. “Stop. Just…stop,” she looked sad, her eyes almost pained. “You think you aren’t enough for us? For Emma?  _You_   who gave up on your vengeance for Henry, who didn’t hesitate to give up your ship to find our daughter in New York - yes, I know about that- and  _you_ followed her down Zelena’s time portal, made sure she came home. You loved her  _relentlessly_ , you pushed her when you had to and you gave up  _everything_  for her. You are a  _hero_ , Killian Jones. You are  _not_  a failure,” she asserted firmly, pulling him into a tight hug, one hand soothingly rubbing up and down his back. 

Killian was stunned into silence, his eyes prickling with unshed tears and his throat closing up. The last time he’d been hugged like this was by his mother, when he was but a boy. The memory of her ones he’d hoarded for the worst of days.

“You are a part of this family now. And you can never fail us,” she mumbled, her own voice thick with tears.

His eyes became glassy as let the tears fall. “I-I let my old fears get a hold of me. Being kept away from a fight, as minor as it was, triggered my feeling of helplessness,” he buried his head in her shoulders, crying. “I started to think that I wasn’t enough to protect my family. To not even be worthy to try to-” he cut himself off, his throat too thick.

Mary Margret was too overcome with sorrow for his pain that she couldn’t find words to comfort him. She simply held him as he cried, cried all the tears he should have centuries ago. _  
_

-/-

“Dad?” Emma sat upright as she saw her dad walk in, her eyes lingering on the doorway for a moment too long for him to notice.

He sighed, silently shaking his head and taking a seat next to her. “How are you feeling, honey?” he asked, concern etched on his face.

She smiled tiredly, “I feel fine, dad. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I’m your dad, It’s my job to worry about you. I have about 28 years of worrying to make up for,” he half-teased, taking her hand in his.

Her smile brightened.  "Well, you don’t have to worry any longer. I’m fine,“ she placed her hand over her barely there bump. ” _We're_ fine.“

David smiled back, his eyes crinkling at the corners. Emma hesitated, before asking, "Where’s he?”

His smile fell as he looked at his daughter’s saddened gaze. “He’s at home. Probably sleeping off his hangover.”

Her eyebrows raised, her anger flaring. “He got drunk? While I was stuck in the hospital?!”

“Emma, he’s not okay,” her dad cut her off, making her stop her rants.

“What do you mean?” she asked, swallowing around the lump in her throat.

“I-I think whatever is going on with him, it’s more than you stopping him from that showdown with Maleficent. You need to talk to him,” David sighed.

Emma could tell that he wasn’t telling her the whole story, which made her worry even more. “What aren’t you telling me, dad?”

“It’s not important. Nor is it my place to tell you. You should hear him out.” She began to speak but he cut her off with his hand. “I-I know you’re mad at him. That what he did was wrong. But he-he deserves a break.”

Emma pursed her lips before a smirk broke out, “Since when were you so supportive of him? Do I see a bromance budding?” she teased. 

David sputtered, the tips of his ears going red in embarrassment. “No!” he protested, rushing to change the subject.

-/-

Father and daughter were chatting simply, David making her laugh with his story about Bo Beep.

“Are you kidding me?” she choked through her laughter. “The girl from the nursery rhyme was a warlord?!” she chortled, wiping tears from the corner of her eyes.

“I swear,” he said with a grimace. “These stories here are just lies,” he grumbled.

Emma was about to retort but they were interrupted by a knock and a throat clearing. She looked up, the smile falling down her face and her heart flipping wildly.

“Killian,” she breathed, her eyes wide as she took him in. His hair disheveled, eyes bloodshot and puffy- like he’d been crying, which made her own eyes prick- and his entire posture broken, defeated. His face looked aged, as if he lived a lifetime overnight. She felt her heart break for her pirate.

“Da-dad, could you…?” she trailed off, not taking her eyes off him. And he held her gaze, almost boring into her, making her feel stripped and revealed.

David nodded wordlessly, walking out, his hand patting Killian’s and closing the door behind him.

“Are you-" "Mary Margret told me-” They both started at the same time, stopping to let the other talk.

Killian sighed, taking David’s abandoned seat. He didn’t look at her, his head down cast as he picked at her bedding.

“You mother told me you were here,” he whispered brokenly, his hand shaking as he moved to take her hand. But he changed his mind in the last minute and let it rest next to hers, barely touching.

Emma noticed, making her feel worse. She moved her hand, clasping his hand in hers, finally breathing easy.

He finally looked up at her, so much pain and guilt eating away at him, his eyes  glassy. “I am so so sorry, love. I should have answered,” he apologised, her voice cracking. “I-I didn’t realised that it was- I didn’t mean to- Emma,” he sighed. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer. I should have been here.”

“Yeah, you should have,” she agreed, her own voice thick with tears. “Killian, what is going on?” she pleaded, her free hand tracing his features, as her lower lip trembled.

“Love, I-” he sighed, dropping his forehead to their entwined hands. “I let my past demons deter me. I-” he cut himself off, unable to find the words to explain his behaviour.

Emma cupped his cheek, rubbing her thumb across the scar on his cheek. “I love you. No matter what, I will always love you. You can tell me anything,” she promised, leaning her forehead on his.

His tortured eyes met hers, losing himself in the green depths. “I- That day, I felt like I wasn’t worthy enough to assist you in battle, Swan. That much is true. But there’s more. I also felt like-like I failed you and our child. Like I am not worthy of  _you_  anymore. Of a family,” he let a tear slip through and Emma’s own fell, seeing how pained he looked. “Everyone who has been unfortunate enough to love has died. I cannot have you do the same. Or anyone in your family. If something were to happen to you- Darling, you  _are_  my life. I cannot move on, if you were gone.

"And that day, all I was left with were my thoughts to haunt me, with no news of your success. Emma, I don’t want you to regret me.” he admitted.

“Please, stop,” she whispered, dropping her forehead to his. “Just…stop. I-How can you even  _think_  that? You are  _my_ life. You-I love you isn’t enough to tell me how much you mean to me, Killian,” her voice broke. She rubbed her hand across his stubbly cheek, her expression softening as he leaned into her touch. “You are a hero. That will never change, I promise you. And you-you  _are_  worthy of this family. You deserve so much, Killian. You are the best person. And you will never, never lose us. I promise you. And I am so sorry for ever making you doubt yourself. I-I couldn’t- _can’t_ -lose you, and I made a selfish decision.

"It’s always going to be you and me, together.” She took his hand and placed it over her bump, placing her hand on top of his. Sniffling, she said, “She’s lucky to have you for a daddy,” she smiled. 

He blinked his own tears out, snapping his head up to her, a watery smile covering his face. “She? It-it’s a girl?” he laughed giddily.

She chuckled, “I mean, I don’t know. But-but I think it might be.”

“Aye?” he muttered, running his hand over her bump. “Emma, I love you.”

Her smile widened, her heart finally feeling light. “I-I know we both have our own demons. And it won’t go away over night. But let’s promise to always be honest with each other, okay? And to always be together.”

“Aye, my love. I promise. Never again,” he promised, leaning up to kiss her soundly.

She groaned low in her throat, because  _God_ , a week is too long to go without kissing him. She pulled him closer, mindful of the IV, raking her hands through his hair and down his back.

He  _growled_  when she playfully bit his lip before pulling back, her eyes bright and cheeks flushed as she pressed her fingers to her kiss bruised lips.

“Let’s also promise to never stop kissing,” she sighed as he traced his lips down her throat.

“Hmmm,” he hummed, the vibrations sending tingles down her back. She was contemplating how she could maneuver him onto the bed, when they were startled by a throat clearing.

Emma’s eyes snapped open, pushing Killian away as her gaze fell on Dr. Greene, who had an amused brow raised. “I noticed a raise in your heart rate and came to check up….but it seems like everything is fine,” she winked, closing the door behind her.

Killian had a smug grin on his face, making her roll her eyes. “Come up here, pirate,” she said, patting to the space next to her.

He waggled his eyebrows, “You think your heart can take it, Swan?” he ran his tongue over his teeth, making her almost re-think her decision, but  _no_. It’s been a long week.

“No, you idiot. To sleep. I missed you,” she mumbled, making his expression. He shuffled over, throwing his arm across her shoulders pulling her to his chest.

“I’ve missed you too, my love. Sleep, now,” he kissed her forehead. He rested his head on hers, watching as he drifted off to sleep.

and he knew at that moment, Liam would have been proud of him. He fell asleep with a light heart and a smile on his face, dreaming about his future child, all dark hair and green eyes, a perfect mixture of him and Emma.  


	7. Epilogue

Killian woke up, hearing soft murmurs coming through the baby monitor, reaching to his right unconsciously for Emma, only to be met with cold sheets. Sighing, more awake that he wished to be, he got off the bed, heading towards their daughter’s room, hoping to find his wife there.

The sight that greeted him made him smile wide, leaning against the doorjam, arms crossed and observing mother and child with a fondness reserved for moments like these. ( _For Emma’s sleepy smiles when she made breakfast. For Henry when he steers the Jolly by himself, wind swept hair reminding him of a lad for ages past, thankful and honoured for the second chance. Every time he looked at their daughter, be it when she was awake or asleep, crying or smiling. He adored his little family_ )

He silently enjoyed as Emma hummed to Catelyn, her eyes drooping as she rubbed their daughter’s back, soothing her. He felt the tears prick as he remembered the day she was born, too early in the middle of a battle with yet another villain. The terror that gripped at his heart as Emma grew hysterical, almost refusing to give birth because it  _was too early, dammit_. 

But she’d been perfect. Their little Catelyn, bundled up in her baby blanket, tufts of blonde hair poking out of her beanie, her eyes blinking up at him, so, so blue, it was like looking in the mirror, making Emma burst into tears, ( _that she later blamed on hormones_ ) His baby girl, with her fierce will and strong lungs, keeping the new parents up for nights together, every sleepless moment a blessing. ( _Except of course when it wasn’t. When they were both so exhausted that they could barely stand; Killian even fell asleep in his cereal once, infuriating Emma.)_

“You gonna stand out there the whole time?” Emma asked, her voice thick with sleep.

He grinned, sauntering over to both his girls, crouching next to the rocking chair Emma was sitting on, his hand reaching out to push the hair away from her face. He kissed her gently, a soft caress of his lips, making her hum in contentment. “Why’re you awake, love?” he asked, pulling back slightly, eyes transfixed on the most perfect child ( _Maybe he was a bit biased)_

“Cate’s running a slight fever,” she murmured, alarming him.

“What? Why didn’t you wake me?” he asked, his eyes wide and panicky.

She pursed her lips, as if trying to hide her smile, “This is exactly why,” he shrugged slightly, not wanting to disturb the slumbering child. “Babe, I’m sorry, but you’re the paranoid, overprotective parent. You always have been,” she smiled adorningly at his affronted look. “And I knew if I woke you up, you’d want to rush her to the hospital, which would have proved unnecessary.”

He breathed heavily, resting his hand on Catelyn’s warm forehead, gently brushing her sweaty curls back, pressing his lips to her head. “I can’t help my worrying, Swan. She’s just so tiny,” he muttered, looking up at her through his lashes.

“I know,” she looked down at the baby, shifting her in her arms. “She’s almost six months old now, not as tiny as she used to be.”

“Aye. She’s going into a strong lass. Just like her mum,” he grinned his proud grin, making her laugh breathlessly. ( _How he still managed to do that, she’ll never know)_

“Is she going to be alright?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowing in worry.

“Yes,” Emma reassured him, standing up from the chair and moving towards Catelyn’s crib, gently placing her in, pulling her blanket up to cover her slightly, in case she grew cold. “She’s going to be just fine,” she added, turning around and wrapping her arms around him, letting him pull her closer, running her hand softly through his hair.

They’d come a long way since that day at the hospital, Killian slowly and surely gaining the confidence that he would be a good father, a good  _husband._

He was with Emma every step of the way ( _so much so, that towards the end, she’d even threatened to curse him if he kept hovering, much to David’s and Henry’s amusement_ ) He’d still had moments where he doubted himself, doubted whether he was good enough, whether he was worthy enough. But Emma had been right there, with her fierce words and whispered reassurances, until he started to believe again.

Even now, he had moments where he was astounded by how far he’d come from being the revenge driven pirate, how blessed he was to have so many people in his life.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Emma Swan,” he whispered, tipping her chin up to look into her eyes, shining with happiness he’d rarely seen before Catelyn.

“It’s Jones now,” she teased, leaning up to press her lips to his, humming under her breath. “You will never have to find out,” she answered his previous statement.

Yawning widely, she rubbed her eyes, “Now can we  _please_  go back to sleep?” she swayed on her feet, leaning heavily on her husband, making him chuckle, bending down and carrying her in his arms, despite her half-hearted protests. If there was one thing he knew for sure, it’s that he would always love his family, through every villain and curse. 


End file.
